When it comes to the truth, does it matter how you make other feel when you speak truth into their lives? Leaders of the church are called to meet the spiritual needs of the sheep, but what about the emotional and physical needs?
I have personally experienced extreme hurt and pain at the hands of other Christians who, I believe, meant well, but who showed very little concern for the feelings of others.
So how do we appropriately apply truth and correction while also paying attention to the feelings of the recipient? The Bible speaks extensively about the subject, providing a process for how we are to approach one another to confront and receive correction.
1. The Process of Church Discipline
- Matthew 18:15-17: “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
- Jesus outlines a clear, step-by-step process for dealing with sin within the church, starting with private confrontation and moving to public intervention if necessary, always aiming for reconciliation.
Church Discipline is a Holy and necessary action to maintain purity and build each other up. It has a place and a process, and it starts privately to consider the feelings of the one being corrected.
It also provides an opportunity for the person being confronted to explain the situation. We are all human, and when we approach someone in correction, we may have misinterpreted their action or their heart. Because only God can see the heart, we should be slow to anger and judgement.
James 1:19-20:
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
2. Restore Gently and Humbly
- Galatians 6:1: “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”
- Correction should be done with gentleness and humility, recognizing our own vulnerability to sin.
What does it mean to restore gently? Who determines what is gentle? This verse specifically says “You who live to by the Spirit,” which refers to those who have wisdom and are seeking the Holy Spirit’s input, which is evident through the fruits of the spirit, especially love, patience, kindness, and gentleness.
A gentle restoration seeks the following outcomes:
- Repentance: The person acknowledges their sin and turns back to God.
- Healing: They experience forgiveness and spiritual renewal.
- Unity: Relationships are reconciled and strengthened.
- Growth: Both the individual and the community grow in Christ-likeness.
If the approach to church discipline fosters these outcomes, it reflects true gentleness. If it leads to alienation, shame, or bitterness, it may lack the Spirit’s guidance.
3. Speaking the Truth Clearly but Without Pride
- 1 Corinthians 5:1-5: In this passage, Paul addresses the church in Corinth regarding a case of sexual immorality. He urges the church to expel the individual from fellowship with the aim of bringing about repentance.
- The passage emphasizes that serious sin should not be tolerated, but the goal is always the restoration of the person’s relationship with God.
In this passage, the church in Corinth has become proud of themselves, while allowing serious sin to go on without being addressed. Clearly Paul is rebuking them for their arrogance, and calls for the removal of the individual or individuals, because they are unrepentant of their sin.
4. Purpose of Correction: Restoration and Not Punishment
- 2 Corinthians 2:5-8: “If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you, to some extent—not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.”
- Paul emphasizes that the goal of correction should be restoration and forgiveness, not overwhelming the sinner with guilt.
It appears here that the man accused of a sexual immorality with his stepmother in 1 Corinthians 5:1-5 has responded to the discipline with repentance. Paul now encourages the church to forgive, comfort, and restore the repentant individual. He warns against harshness or prolonging punishment unnecessarily, as it could lead to overwhelming sorrow and despair.
Pauls emphasis that church discipline should consider the feelings of the individual are clear, and he names the feelings of excessive sorrow he may be feeling. He calls on the church to be a source of comfort and forgiveness.
5. Correction with the Goal of Building Up
- 1 Thessalonians 5:14: “And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.”
- Correction is part of the church’s role in helping its members grow, but it should be done with patience and encouragement.
Building each other up, “As iron sharpens iron,” should be the goal of church discipline, and again, it should be done with the person’s feelings in mind, to encourage them, and with patience. The words used again refer to the feelings that people may be experiencing, when it says to encourage the disheartened.
Those who are disheartened can be experiencing feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or self-doubt. We are called, as brothers and sisters, to come alongside each other and encourage each other when we see those feelings expressed.
6. Avoiding Harsh Judgment
- Matthew 23:4: “They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.”
- Harsh correction without support or love only burdens others. True restoration involves helping carry the load.
Jesus speaks about the Pharisees in Matthew 23, rebuking the way they impose burdens on others while failing to follow their own teachings. They don’t actively participate in the restoration of a person, and instead are unwilling to even lift a finger to help.
This is similar to ghosting someone or cutting them off right when they need encouragement, patiences and love. While there are appropriate times to cease communication with someone, we are called to forgive “seventy times seven” times.
This means cutting someone off should be used only as the last resort. When a person is unwilling to respect your boundaries, assuming you have communicated your boundaries and the boundaries are reasonable, or their actions have been harmful and abusive.
7. Love as the Foundation of Correction
- Ephesians 4:15: “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”
- Truth and love must go hand in hand in the correction process.
Speaking the truth in love shows that the feelings of the recipient should matter. Loving someone doesn’t mean agreeing with everything they do, but it prioritizes the relationship with that individual over a legalistic interpretation of the rules.
8. Disciplining Those in Leadership
- 1 Timothy 5:19-20: “Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. But those elders who are sinning, you are to reprove before everyone, so that the others may take warning.”
- Even leaders in the church must be corrected when necessary, but this must be done carefully, ensuring proper evidence and public reproof only when warranted..
Church leaders have a high calling and a greater responsibility for service. They are to be “above reproach,” as it says in Titus. This doesn’t mean they are treated differently during church discipline. The process is the same for all, but leaders are held to a higher standard.
When a church leader fails, it means they are human and sinful just like the rest of us. Repentance is the goal of any church discipline process regardless of the person’s position.
9. Correction Must Be Done Without Partiality
- James 2:1-4: “My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, ‘Here’s a good seat for you,’ but say to the poor man, ‘You stand there,’ or ‘Sit on the floor by my feet,’ have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?”
- When correcting others, we must do so without showing favoritism, treating all people equally.
It is impossible for us as humans, without the intervention of the Spirit, to treat someone without partiality. For instance, you might go easy on a friend or, conversely, overcompensate by being overly harsh. Similarly, a parent might treat their own child harshly for a mistake but show compassion to another’s child for the same action.
In the end, we should rely upon the Word of God to determine how we treat someone. We should err on the side of love, grace and compassion. Practicing compassion means listening, making them feel heard and seen, and encouraging repentance without enabling sin.
10. The Importance of Correcting in a Spirit of Unity
- Romans 15:14: “I myself am convinced, my brothers and sisters, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with knowledge and competent to instruct one another.”
- Christians are to help and correct one another in a spirit of unity, knowing that correction is part of helping each other grow.
No person is an island, and nobody can live this Christian life by themselves. We are called to community and to unity because “a chord of three stands is not easily broken.” Discipline and correction should never be about isolation or shaming an individual. When church discipline turns into public humiliation, banishment, alienation, or ostracizing someone, it is not following biblical guidelines for reproach.
11. Accountability and Encouragement in the Body of Christ
- Hebrews 10:24-25: “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
- Correction is part of encouraging each other to live faithfully, and it should be done in the context of mutual support.
The Body of Christ is made up of many parts, but one Body. We all have unique roles to fill, and when one part is sick, the rest of those parts of the body will feel it. The purpose of the church body is to come alongside each other and help carry us when we fall down. Too often, the church becomes a judgment zone instead of a needed safety net for when we fail.
If you are forced to leave your church because of baggage that you carry, that church has not done it’s job: it’s job is to help you carry your baggage.
So ultimately, the feelings of the person being corrected matter a lot. Caring for someone means caring not only for their soul, but for their whole person. It means trying to meet the physical, spiritual and emotional needs of that person. Treating someone as if their feelings don’t matter and only addressing their spiritual needs is the same as treating them as if their physical needs didn’t matter.
So how is putting someone in emotional distress to achieve a spiritual lesson any different from physically torturing them? I would say it’s not.
James 2:15–16
“Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?”
Matthew 25:35–40
“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”
Galatians 6:2
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Let us love each other, be patience with each other, forgive each other. If someone repents and desires to return to fellowship with Christ, we are compelled by Scripture, by our faith, and by the Holy Spirit to listen to them and allow them back into the flock.