When it comes to the truth, does it matter how you make other feel when you speak truth into their lives? Leaders of the church are called to meet the spiritual needs of the sheep, but what about the emotional and physical needs?
I have personally experienced extreme hurt and pain at the hands of other Christians who, I believe, meant well, but who showed very little concern at all for the feelings of others.
So how do we appropriately apply truth and correction while also paying attention to the feelings of the recipient? The Bible speaks extensively about the subject, and provides a process for how we are to approach each other to confront and receive correction.
1. The Process of Church Discipline
- Matthew 18:15-17: “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
- Jesus outlines a clear, step-by-step process for dealing with sin within the church, starting with private confrontation and moving to public intervention if necessary, always aiming for reconciliation.
Church Discipline is a Holy and needed action for the church to maintain purity and build each other up. It has a place and a process, and it starts privately for the purpose of regarding the feelings of the one being corrected.
It also provides an opportunity for the person being confronted to explain the situation. We are all human, and when we approach someone in correction, we may have misinterpreted their action or their heart. Because only God can see the heart, we should be slow to anger and judgement.
James 1:19-20:
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
2. Restore Gently and Humbly
- Galatians 6:1: “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”
- Correction should be done with gentleness and humility, recognizing our own vulnerability to sin.
What does it mean to restore gently? Who determines what is gentle? This verse specifically says “You who live to by the Spirit,” which refers to those who have wisdom and are seeking the Holy Spirit’s input in their life, which is evident through the fruits of the spirit, especially love, patience, kindness, and gentleness.
A gentle restoration seeks the following outcomes:
- Repentance: The person acknowledges their sin and turns back to God.
- Healing: They experience forgiveness and spiritual renewal.
- Unity: Relationships are reconciled and strengthened.
- Growth: Both the individual and the community grow in Christ-likeness.
If the approach fosters these outcomes, it reflects true gentleness. If it leads to alienation, shame, or bitterness, it may lack the Spirit’s guidance.
3. Purpose of Correction: Restoration and Not Punishment
- 2 Corinthians 2:5-8: “If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you, to some extent—not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.”
- Paul emphasizes that the goal of correction should be restoration and forgiveness, not to overwhelm the sinner with guilt.
It appears here that the man accused of an inappropriate sexual relationship with his stepmother in 1 Corinthians 5:1-5 has responded to the discipline with repentance. Paul now encourages the church to forgive, comfort, and restore the repentant individual. He warns against harshness or prolonging punishment unnecessarily, as it could lead to overwhelming sorrow and despair.
4. Correction with the Goal of Building Up
- 1 Thessalonians 5:14: “And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.”
- Correction is part of the church’s role in helping its members grow, but it should be done with patience and encouragement.
Building each other up, “As iron sharpens iron,” should be the goal of the church.
5. Avoiding Harsh Judgment
- Matthew 23:4: “They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.”
- Harsh correction without support or love only burdens others. True restoration involves helping carry the load.
Jesus speaks about the Pharisees in Matthew 23, rebuking the way they require others to follow their teachings without following it themselves. They don’t actively participate in the restoration of a person, and instead are unwilling to even lift a finger to help.
Today we might call this ghosting someone or cutting them off. While there are appropriate times to cease communication with someone, as Christians we are called to love each other and be patient, forgiving “seventy times seven” times. This means it should be used only as the last resort, when someone is unwilling to respect your boundaries (assuming you’ve communicated those boundaries and they are reasonable), or if they are harmful and abusive.
6. Love as the Foundation of Correction
- Ephesians 4:15: “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”
- Truth and love must go hand in hand in the correction process.
Speaking the truth in love clearly reflects how the feelings of the recipient should matter. Loving someone doesn’t mean you go along with everything they say, but it prioritizes the relationship with that individual over a legalistic interpretation of the rules.
7. Speaking the Truth Clearly but Without Pride
- 1 Corinthians 5:1-5: In this passage, Paul addresses the church in Corinth regarding a case of sexual immorality. He urges the church to expel the individual from fellowship with the aim of bringing about repentance.
- The passage emphasizes that serious sin should not be tolerated, but the goal is always the restoration of the person’s relationship with God.
As we looked at earlier, the person was restored to fellowship with the church and Paul encouraged those in the church body to let the person know they were loved and welcomed.
8. Disciplining Those in Leadership
- 1 Timothy 5:19-20: “Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. But those elders who are sinning, you are to reprove before everyone, so that the others may take warning.”
- Even leaders in the church must be corrected when necessary, but with careful attention to the process of evidence and public reproof when warranted.
Church leaders have a high calling upon their lives from God, as well as a higher requirement for service as leaders. They are to be “above reproach” as it says in Titus. This doesn’t mean they have a different process for church discipline; they have the same process afforded to them as anyone else. But it does mean that those in leadership should be protected from false accusations.
When a church leader fails, it means they are human and sinful just like the rest of the sheep. Repentance again is the goal of any church discipline process with leadership as it is with the others.
9. Correction Must Be Done Without Partiality
- James 2:1-4: “My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, ‘Here’s a good seat for you,’ but say to the poor man, ‘You stand there,’ or ‘Sit on the floor by my feet,’ have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?”
- When correcting others, we must do so without showing favoritism, treating all people equally.
It is impossible for us as humans, without the intervention of the Spirit, to treat someone without partiality. Take a best friend, for instance. Perhaps you believe because he is your friend that your inclination is to go easy on them. You overcompensate for that and in the end treat them too harshly. You may have witnessed a friend who treats their own children harshly for some mistake, but shows compassion and gentleness to someone else’s children for the same action.
In the end, we should rely upon the Word of God to determine how we treat someone, and we should err on the side of love, grace and compassion. We know we are practicing compassion when we are communicating well with them and are doing everything we can to ensure they feel heard and seen, while not allowing them to wallow in their sin.
10. The Importance of Correcting in a Spirit of Unity
- Romans 15:14: “I myself am convinced, my brothers and sisters, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with knowledge and competent to instruct one another.”
- Christians are to help and correct one another in a spirit of unity, knowing that correction is part of helping each other grow.
No person is an island, and nobody can live this Christian life by themselves. We are called to community and to unity because a chord of three stands is not easily broken. Discipline and correction should never be about isolation and shaming an individual. When church discipline turns into public humiliation, banishment, alienation, or ostracizing someone, it is not following a Biblical guideline for reproach.
11. Accountability and Encouragement in the Body of Christ
- Hebrews 10:24-25: “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
- Correction is part of encouraging each other to live faithfully, and it should be done in the context of mutual support.
The Body of Christ is made up of many parts, but one Body. We all have unique roles to fill, and when one part is sick, the rest of those parts of the body will feel it. The purpose of the church body is to come alongside each other and help carry us when we fall down. Too often, the church becomes a judgment zone instead of a needed safety net for when we fail.
If you are forced to leave your church because of baggage that you carry, that church has not done it’s job: it’s job is to help you carry your baggage.
So ultimately, the feelings of the person being corrected matter a lot. Caring for someone means caring not only for their soul, but for their whole person. It means trying to meet the physical, spiritual and emotional needs of that person. Treating someone as if their feelings don’t matter and only addressing their spiritual needs is the same as treating them as if their physical needs didn’t matter.
So how is putting someone in emotional distress to achieve a spiritual lesson any different from physically torturing them? I would say it’s not.
James 2:15–16
“Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?”
Matthew 25:35–40
“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”
Galatians 6:2
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Let us love each other, be patience with each other, forgive each other. If someone repents and desires to return to fellowship with Christ, we are compelled by Scripture, by our faith, and by the Holy Spirit to listen to them and allow them back into the flock.
