Biblical Reasons to Cut Someone out of your Life

posted in: Bible, The Church | 0

If you’ve been following my previous posts, you may have noticed that I’ve mentioned people either ghosting me or explicitly saying they can no longer be my friend. In each case, they haven’t provided any Biblical reasoning for their decision—something that, as Christians, should be a fundamental consideration in such matters.

This post is my attempt to understand their perspective by looking at the situation through their lens. Just because I don’t fully grasp or agree with their decision doesn’t mean it lacks valid reasoning.

It does seem unusual for someone to make a decision like this without significant reflection—perhaps even writing out their reasons, as I am doing here. More than likely, they have gone through this process, but instead of sharing their reasoning with me, they have shared it with others.

Whether I like it or not, that seems to be how many people handle difficult situations. So, this is my attempt to make sense of their choices.

When Someone Is Unrepentantly Sinful and Leading You Astray

  • 1 Corinthians 5:11“But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one.”

Paul is writing to the church in Corinth about certain unrepentant sins that have been allowed into the church, and earlier in chapter five he recommends they [13b] “Expel the wicked person from among you.”

If there is someone who is claiming to be a Christian, but clearly living a life that includes outward actions that are unrepentantly sinful, you would be wise to distance yourself from them. The people we surround ourselves with have a lot of influence in our lives, and we have a tendency to grow similar to them.

The key here is that the person is unrepentant. After all, every single one of us are guilty at some point in our lives of one or more of these charges. Who hasn’t made an idol out of something or someone in their life? Who hasn’t been greedy or jealous, or try to manipulate others?

Forgiveness is a key aspect of Christianity, so Paul isn’t saying that removing someone should be done lightly. I don’t believe he is even saying that it would be a sin not to remove someone. But this is wise advise that could apply to someone who has begun to negatively impact your own walk with Christ.

When Someone Is a Source of Division and Conflict

  • Titus 3:10-11“As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.”
  • Proverbs 20:19“Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.”

This type of person is someone who is intentionally trying to stir up division and discord in the body of Christ. They may use false teachings, gossip, slander, or manipulation to turn people against each other. This is in sharp contrast to the call for each of us to build each other up “As iron sharpens iron.”

Stirring up division is negative focused and destructive. It seeks to tear others down, disrupt or mislead. Mutual edification, where people challenge, encourage, and refine each other in a positive, godly way, is positive and focused on growth, wisdom and character development.

When a Relationship Becomes Harmful or Abusive

  • Proverbs 22:24-25“Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.”

Similar to the first passage, this verse from Proverbs advises that friendship with a person who is often angry and negative can lead to those characteristics in your own life. Surround yourself with positive, God-honoring relationships, which will grow your faith and allow you to be a better witness to the world.

When Someone Refuses to Listen or Accept Accountability

  • Matthew 18:15-17 – Jesus lays out a process for addressing sin: first, speak privately; second, bring witnesses; and third, involve the church. If they still refuse correction, they should be treated as an outsider.

This is an often used passage that speaks to the process of church discipline and restoration. Ongoing, unrepentant sin is a real problem for the church because it makes the church look like the world, rather than being a “light of the world, a city on a hill…” (Matthew 5:14)

When You Need to Guard Your Own Spiritual Well-being

  • 2 Corinthians 6:14“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

This passage is often referred to when counseling people before marriage, but it also applies to close relationships that influence your faith negatively. While you may not need to cut the person out of your life, you should certainly consider heavily the amount of influence into your heart you give them.

When You Have Done All You Can to Reconcile, but There Is No Peace

  • Romans 12:18“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”

Sometimes you have done everything you can, but someone else still will not accept your desire for peace. This is when you can choose to let them go. We know for a fact that Christ is a stumbling block, a “stone of offense,” (Isaiah 8:14). His followers will also become targeted just for being His followers.

When someone chooses not to reconcile, you can freely cut them loose without guilt, knowing that you did everything you could to love them like Christ.

Your Choice

Perhaps you, like me, have been the recipient of this treatment. You’ve gone through all the Biblical reasons above, and don’t see where there would be a justification for the complete removal of your friendship. Pray for God to open your eyes to the truth, and bring alongside people who can speak wisdom into your life and point out areas that you may be blind to.

If you decide you need to cut someone out of your life, be gracious about it. Allow a door back into your life and communicate your boundaries clearly. This will preserve your own loving intentions.

God is faithful and just to deliver us, and is the only one who can show the perfect love that we see in 1 Corinthians 13. I believe he will provide to you people who will build you up and welcome you into fellowship if you truly seek His face.

People in the church are only human, and they make mistakes and are sinful. Even pastors and elders sometimes have glaring weaknesses they cannot see past. If you wish they would have done a better job showing grace and love to you, then you can likely do a better job of showing grace and love to them.

Pray for those who hurt us (Matthew 5:44).

Forgive, even if we don’t remain in relationship (Colossians 3:13).

Seek peace where possible (Hebrews 12:14).

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Marshall is a sinner who has been saved by the grace and mercy of a loving God. He writes about what he's learning in life and seeks to glorify God, but often falls short.

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