Chances are there is someone (or maybe multiple someones) in your life that if they were no longer around things would become easier. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was an easy out that would simply erase them from your life?
Well the good news is that there is, and it is called Ghosting.
Ghosting is when you simply cut contact with a person without telling them that you are doing it and without any explanation. It is particularly effective in causing hurt and confusion in people if you’ve been a long time friend, but it also can cause suffering and bewilderment in those you’ve just met.
Why is Ghosting so effective? In general, people enjoy having understanding and clarity around interactions and relationships. Relationships with people help to form our identities and tell us where we fit in. When we feel a belonging and camaraderie with each other, we are generally happier and healthier people.
Ghosting goes straight to the heart and shatters a person’s preconceived notion of belonging and that they matter. It demonstrates that their relationship with you is so insignificant that it doesn’t even deserve a goodbye.
Don’t Set Boundaries
The first step to effectively Ghosting someone is to ensure they don’t see it coming, and that is why you don’t want to set clear boundaries with them before you ghost them. Boundaries allow people to get the space they need when a relationship is in conflict, and help them set healthy distance when they feel they cannot engage at the same level as they have in the past.
Boundaries can be an effective tool for allowing healing and restoration in a relationship, and that can be an impediment to causing maximum anguish and disorientation in our target through Ghosting.
Immediately Distance Yourself
While it may seem harsh to simply stop responding to texts and calls and invites from someone you have called one of your closest friends, the truth is this is how you can be most effective in implementing your Ghosting protocol. Giving an explanation, or slowly fading away in your friendship doesn’t have the same gravitas as a mic drop “I’m out” kind of statement (without actually stating it, they’ll get the picture when you cease to exist in their life).
Ideally, when you ghost someone, it will cause more damage if they reach out intentionally seeking clarity. They may be sensing distance and want to re-engage or find out what is wrong.
This is exactly where you want them to be, since you are in control and can manipulate their emotions with your silence. Assuming they are well-adjusted people, they probably won’t continue to reach out for very long, but will get the message: They are worthless to you.
Be Prepared for Their Reaction
You might expect that they will react negatively to your Ghosting, as that is your hope. After all, Ghosting shows that you want to damage a person’s identity and self-worth, and people generally react negatively when those aspects of themselves are under attack.
They may even attempt to defend themselves through a smear campaign with your friends. The best strategy in this case is to get ahead of them and ensure your friends also understand how worthless these people are.
If you can get them all to Ghost them as well that is best, but coming in close second is simply getting them to walk away from the friendship.
Prioritize Your Well Being
Nobody in the world matters more than you do, so keep that in mind as you prioritize your needs. Other people are often exhausting and always have their own agendas and needs. Looking out for other people along with yourself is completely impossible, you are only human after all.
When you effectively prioritize your well being by valuing only yourself, it gives you the emotional clarity and motivation you need to effectively Ghost someone. It is important that you have little to no empathy or love for your friend, as those will only lessen your resolve.
With the proper preparation, attitude, and complete lack of heart, you too can cause distress and disorientation in your victim’s life. Happy Ghosting.
